You Play Ball Like A Girl: Mike Brown

'You Play Ball Like A Girl' is a weekly feature (I swear I'll try to make this a weekly feature) for HooPH wherein we look at a player/team/coach in the NBA who sucked the most in the week that was, that even a blindfolded Brittney Griner could easily beat in a one-on-one pick up ball. Okay, Griner is a beast and it may be possible that she is still *that* good blindfolded, but you get the idea.

No offense to girls. Or Brittney Griner.

Mitch Kupchak was unofficially awarded the title Greatest Magician That Ever Lived after securing two blockbuster trade deals that sent superstars Steve Nash and Dwight Howard to the land of Purple and Gold.

Soon, there was beer-passing on the LA freeway and hush talks about the possibility of hoisting a 17th championship banner (and Kobe Bryant's 6th ringgzzz) became loud discussions in the streets of Los Angeles and Lakers Nation online.

It was an off-season of rainbows and unicorns; an orgy of joy, if you will. Just like how quickly a magician amazingly pulls not one, but two rabbits from an old, worn hat, the Lakers were once again a force to reckon with.

But the God of Hardwood is one cruel master.

In a startling twist of fate, the star-studded Los Angeles Lakers started 0-3 for the first time since 1978. Counting their winless preason, they were at 0-11 before securing their first season win at the expense of the (obviously lesser talented) Detroit Pistons. (Some arguing that it wasn't a legit win since it was against the Pistons but whatevs.)

With a city and a fanbase that have become accustomed to glittering success, panic ensued in Lakerland. Twitter exploded with clamors of firing head coach Mike Brown (they also wanted, nay, demanded the Zen Master back) and abandoning the newly adopted Princeton offense.

So much have been said about the team's lack of chemistry, which becomes very evident in poor play executions, which, in turn, result to a high TO rate, or their perennial problem in defense. But what I would really want to highlight in this 'You Play Ball Like A Girl' feature is the stinky garbage na nagkakalat known as the Lakers' head coach, Mike Brown.

If it isn't obvious enough, this Lakers team is playing uninspired basketball. When people say 'something is wrong in that locker room', they meant to say it's that bald man with a smiling face. The most obvious of the team's problems boil down to bad coaching.

My biggest gripe against Mike Brown is about the Lakers rotation-- it's a mess. It has been since last season. To say that Brown puts out inconsistent player rotations is an understatement. He's worst than a middle aged woman who still manages to get her period when he changes his mind regarding who should back up whom.

Two players I want to put a spot here to drive my point: Antawn Jamison and Jodie Meeks. Their addition was supposed to plug a hole in the sinking bench boat, but they were placed in a conundrum instead.

Jamison (who was an all star PF, BTW) is playing back up to Metta World Peace (instead of Pau Gasol), when in fact he hasn't played as a SF since, what, 2001? Meeks was signed to be Kobe Bryant's back up, which he did on their first game against the Dallas Mavericks. But then Brown made Devin Ebanks play back up SG the next two games when he should be backing MWP instead. This resulted in Meeks playing a measly 5 minutes against Portland and didn't even get to suit up against the Clippers.

The thing about inconsistent rotations is that it makes your players confused. If he doesn't know at which position he should play, or if he is constantly thinking day to day if he will play or not, how can he practice a routine? How much more to find his place in a foreign offensive strategy?

It doesn't take an NBA analyst to figure out that the lack of set rotations greatly affect player production. So it doesn't surprise me that not one in the Lakers second unit has a positive +/- statistic. Not to mention it puts bigger pressure on the starting five, where they are forced to play longer minutes than they are supposed to. Like how Bryant went to play 43 minutes last Friday against the LA Clippers on an injured right foot, primarily because Brown wanted to snag a win. GOOD LORD.

Of course, it is too early to say that Mike Brown will be the death of the LA Lakers. There's too much talent on that team that could easily take them to the playoffs. But it takes more than raw talent to be able to parade down Figueroa again. The Lakers need a coach that doesn't play ball like a middle-aged blonde spinster.

The Dwight Howard Saga Continues

It all started with the running candidate for the world’s most awkward interview, and thus began the mighty, confusing, and for most part, annoying, Dwight Howard saga. Until before yesterday, it seemed like it was coming to an end. But like the Howard deals in the past, the potential four-team deal involving the Magic, Clippers, Cavaliers and Nets oddly fell apart.

Whether it was because Kris Humphries didn’t want to play for the Cavs (seriously, who would?), or because the persistent Mitch Kupchak came up with a better deal, the Magic has not been much farther than where they were at the start of the off season: coachless and stuck with a disgruntled superstar.

It’s a little bit embarrassing that as it stands right now, it seems like Dwight Howard is steering Magic’s future, instead of its new General Manager, Rob Hennigan. As we all remember, Howard played a crucial role in the unceremonious exits of then Magic head coach Stan Van Gundy and GM Otis Smith. That little antic left the franchise without a coach and with the youngest (not to mention the cutest! :p) GM in the league.

Instead of keeping his mouth shut and to just wait for his free agency out, Howard spent the better part of last season whining about not getting traded, opted in to his one year extension, and got his coach and GM fired. And now he’s demanding a trade ala Carmelo Anthony, by publicly wanting to be exchanged to the team of his choice, which in this situation, is the Nets. This, along with the fact that he refuses to sign an extension with any another team, has given Howard complete control of the whole Orlando Magic organization. (Don’t you wish you can do this at your job.)

Howard has given the Nets a lot of leverage for them to acquire him, even to the point of low balling the Magic, because the Nets know Magic will not keep a ticking time bomb like Howard. But that deal has since collapsed in a matter of hours. New talks of a possible trade scenario between the Lakers, Rockets and Magic have been unveiled today. In my opinion, and I’m not saying this just because I am a Lakers fan, if the teams involved are looking at rebuilding anyway, this might be slightly better than any other standing trade possibilities at hand. One thing is for sure: neither Howard nor the Magic management would want the superstar still hanging out in sunny Orlando.

If and when the indecision finally ends, Howard will easily pass LeBron James and Carmelo Anthony as the guy who handled his impending release completely and utterly wrong. Now that LBJ has finally secured a championship ring, most NBA hooligans are looking for a new person to hate. Sorry, Dwight. But it’s not too hard to hate on you after all the crap you pulled this season.

The Magic, on the other hand, will be known as the team that shamelessly gave away the keys of their franchise to a petulant superstar, only to have him drive the whole organization off of a proverbial cliff into the NBA wasteland.

After everything that have been said and done, the clear losers of this whole Dwight Howard fiasco, looking at it in all angles, are the Magic fans. I wouldn’t want to be caught in the middle of the ridiculousness of this situation as a loyal follower. I, too, hope that at the end of this week, a deal could be reached, so we can all let go of this useless anticipation and go back to living our normal, happy lives.

Because to tell you honestly, I’m so ready to wake up from this Dwightmare already.

*This post also appears on http://hoops.blink.ph/2012/07/11/the-dwight-howard-saga-continues/

Good job, good effort!*

Look at that face. :)

It's about damn time.

After nine long and painful years, LeBron James can finally call himself a 'champion'. The coronation of the self-proclaimed King couldn't have been more theatrical. In 44 minutes, he had 26 points, 13 assists and 11 rebounds; a rare triple-double feat. It was a total team effort for Miami Heat, of course, as they drained 14 three-pointers (half of which came courtesy of Mike Miller) and just dominated the entire game in every way possible.

It is personally hard to write about the triumphs and jubilations of a man I have come to despise ever since publicly ditching the team that drafted him, in the worst way possible: a planned nationally televised special event. With The Decision, LeBron instantly became the most hated player and the Miami Heat the most detestable NBA team. The Decision was a terrible idea. I hated him even more with 'not 5.. not 6.. not 7..'. Although there is no denying of LeBron's talent, that move tarnished his image and left a sour taste in the mouth of many basketball fans, including me. I’m not even a Cleveland fan, either. God only knows how they felt. So it was especially entertaining to see Miami Heat lose the 2011 NBA championship to the Dallas Mavericks and LeBron James choking on top of it. It was like Christmas in June.

Arming themselves with the humiliation of last year's failed Finals run, the Miami Heat came blaring into the new (shortened) season with invigorated hearts and a whole new mindset. LeBron was dropping insane, jaw-dropping figures. However we may question his loyalty, there was one thing about LeBron James even the haters cannot doubt: his enormous talent. Dwayne Wade proved to be indispensable and played an optimal role. Chris Bosh, despite nagging injury, has stepped up as Heat's go-to big man, occasionally playing off-position. Shane Battier and Mario Chalmers also joined in the party to add additional offensive and defensive cover for the team. Despite James being the center of the hoopla, it became apparent that the Heat were playing team basketball. Hell, even Mike Miller showed up when it mattered the most! There is also the matter of guidance from coach Erik Spoelstra, who is quick to come up with crucial in-game adjustments in rotation, defense and offense.

Which brings me to the important lesson the last two NBA seasons has taught me: No matter how stacked your team is, if you don’t buck up and become a disciplined player, you don’t win. (I'm looking at you, Andrew Bynum!) Talent alone doesn’t win championships (Kobe Bryant), you have to have a competent supporting cast (MWP and the rest of the Lakers bench) and be totally focused on doing what it takes to win instead of being focused on not getting blamed for losses (Pau Gasol). James corrected his errors this year and his supporting cast stepped up way more than expected. Something the Lakers has extremely lacked for the last two seasons. (Just felt the need to throw some Lakers references in there.)

That being said, I congratulate LeBron James and the Miami Heat (plus all their fans) for winning this year's title. We can all say we were witnesses to another historical NBA and sports moment. LeBron had one of the best playoffs run ever by any player: 11 double doubles, multiple triple doubles, big games, clutch moments and he capped it all off with a championship victory. And although I would probably never like him, it is but proper to recognize LeBron's tremendous talent and ability as a basketball player (and I heard he's a nice fellow as well). I also particularly liked the LeBron James I heard on the post-game press conference today, saying how all the past issues and harsh scrutinies have humbled him as a person.

Congratulations are in order for the Oklahoma City Thunder, too. They are such a young team, but already showing great talents in their roster. Suffice to say that we are going to see more of them in the coming years. It's always exciting and entertaining when new rivalries are born in the league.

It has been yet again another exciting basketball season for the NBA. Forget that flopping was an all-time high this year or that referees were simply awful with their calls (and non-calls). In the end, they only add spice to the already colorful and beautiful world of the sport we all come to love.

(Meet the kid that inspired the title for this post HERE.)

Hello Las Vegas Police? I'm calling to report a robbery...

Millions and millions of people care, because they derive a sense of hope and faith from watching the rise of champions and champions prove themselves. Champions bring out the champion in others. In a world obviously full of injustices, people gain great joy and satisfaction from watching a fight or match that is judged fairly. Manny Pacquiao is an inspiration and did not deserve this loss--and neither did the millions and millions of boxing fans.

New home of SATG!

In between grieving for the second round exit of my beloved LA Lakers from the NBA 2012 Playoffs and real life, I finally had some little time to move from Wordpress to Blogger for my Sports According to Girl blog.

What do you think of the new place?

Laker forever, Derek Fisher

It’s been almost two weeks, but it’s still a little hard to write about Derek Fisher’s departure from LA Lakers.

As we all know, on March 15, responding to pressure and pleas for a trade that could offer a jolt in the diminishing power voltage to one of the greatest franchises in sports, Jim Buss and the rest of the Lakers management answered with a thundering surprise that left many of us, fans and haters alike, in shock to this very day.

They traded Derek Fisher.

To the many of us in Lakernation, this was the day that came to be known as the day the Los Angeles Lakers lost its soul.

The trade felt so horribly wrong and cheap. I personally felt offended.

For a typical, occasional sports fan, it is difficult to wrap your head around why a lot of us felt wronged about that obvious salary dump of a trade. It is ridiculous to grieve and hurt with a man most of us haven’t met or spoken to and be intensely involved in a life-altering moment that has completely nothing to do with our own. But whenever a class-act player gets a treatment like this, it always hits the heart.

I don’t care if Derek Fisher is 37 years old, aging, and his sprints dwindled down to jogs across the court. He is still Derek Fisher, capable of running last minute clutch plays and, as far as I know, the single player that holds the Lakers ‘culture’ together.

He was the constant glue between the Lakers’ new blood and the Championship Lakers of the past. When there were uncertainties surrounding the team, Fisher called, presided, and ended meetings to patch things up. Even when the 2011-2012 NBA season came to a threat, Fisher was the one who stood tall for all the players; negotiating with them big bad bullies.

In 2010, Fisher was instrumental in the NBA Finals Game 7 thriller against long-time rival Boston Celtics.

But what really cemented him in the many hearts of the Purple & Gold fans everywhere was the buzzer-beater game winning shot he took off an inbound pass with 0.4 seconds left in Game 5 of the Western Conference semifinals against then defending champions San Antonio Spurs.

I remember watching that game with my brothers back in 2004. Although that same year brought a collapse for the team (Finals upset vs Detroit, Shaq traded to Miami, Phil Jackson retired, and Fish transferred to Golden State for a higher salary), that 0.4 in ’04 was one of the few victorious moments fans relived again and again until the team got back on its feet to win a three-peat.

You don’t trade local legends just like that. Same way die-hard fans feel guilty for cheering on another team.

For everything it’s worth, Derek Fisher deserved to retire as a Laker. He would’ve welcomed the diminishing minutes, even if it meant sliding further at the end of the bench. He would accept it, like how many great players in their twilight careers will–knowing that there will always be someone younger than you, faster than you, shoots better than you. Fisher understood that. He said repetitively in interviews that he would accept the demotion, because he wanted to retire in the same team he started with as a rookie back in 1996.

It would’ve been the more gentlemanly gesture for someone who has brought the team 5 championship rings out of its 16 NBA titles, in his being a Laker for 13 seasons spanning 12 years.

But there’s very little room for gratitude in a cutthroat business like the NBA. Sadly, the management saw Fisher more of tradable liability than an asset.

But the fans will always remember Derek Fisher as a Laker… forever.

Lamenting Ricky Rubio’s injury: Excuse me while I go cry in the corner.

Oh, poor baby!

By now, everybody has heard about the collision between Kobe Bryant and the Spanish rookie sensation Ricky Rubio, which abruptly ended the season of one of the league’s most exciting point guards. My first thought when the news broke out that Rubio was out for the rest of the season was they’d probably made a mistake. Looking back at the clip of the collision, it didn’t seem that it was that serious. But the Gods of the hardwood can be cruel masters. After the MRI, it was confirmed that NBA’s King of Baby Faces has suffered from the curse of the torn ACL and had to sit the rest of the season out, with the possibility of rehabbing into the next one.

I join the millions of sports fans around the world grieving the loss of this hardwood cutie, with those kind eyes and gumdrop smile, the tussled mop hair that minces a little bit with every physics-defying pass. This rook will be badly missed for sure.

Rubio, in a remarkably short space of time, had become a shining beacon of hope for Minneapolis, a fresh and lovable elixir for a franchise that has suffered more than its fair share of problems (many of them self-inflicted) in recent seasons. For Wolves fans his carefree brilliance represented a form of salvation, deliverance from the lower reaches of the Western Conference. For neutrals he had become the innocent, playful alternative to a league filled with a few too many self-obsessed stars and cynical executives. Rubio was the perfect distraction from the occasionally depressing realities of the professional game. With him running the offense it was possible to watch the Timberwolves and feel, despite all the murky stuff that has a nasty habit of surrounding the operations of the NBA, sort of wholesome. Basketball was fun again.

Get well soon, Ricardo! We’ll see your sexy Spanish ass next season.

If I May Interrupt: Should the Lakers management say they’re trading Gasol or not?

After the Lakers’ embarrassing and pathetic loss to the Phoenix Suns last night, Kobe Bryant stated in a post-game interview, “I wish management would come out and either trade (Pau Gasol) or not trade him.” Today, Lakers General Manager Mitch Kupchack has released this statement in reponse to Bryant’s. As a longtime Laker fan, I honestly think that I have a say in this.

I have been a Laker fan my whole life and I understand Bryant’s frustrations with the team — they currently stand 5th in the Western Conference, but 8th ranked Denver is only 1.5 games behind.  Am I suggesting that it is a possibility that the Lakers will not make the playoffs this year?  I tell you I won’t be the one to give up. No. But how did a team go from 2nd ranked in the Western Conference last year to this: struggling to maintain the 5th spot this year?  I just don’t understand how the team has plummeted ever since last year’s 2nd round playoff series against the Mavericks.

Anyways, back to the subject at hand — should management openly declareits intentions to keep or trade Pau Gasol?I’m sorry Kobe, but I think absolutely not!  I think the team should certainly consider trading Gasol before the deadline, but to openly declaresuch would be detrimental to the team.  Gasol certainly isn’t as emotional as Lamar Odom, but if the Lakers organization tells him he’s certainly on the trade block, it would somehow impact his game. However, with the turnout of tonight’s win over Portland, it is safe to say that Gasol might even be inspired with what Bryant has said. But knowing how Gasol flipflops tremendously this season, it won’t be long until his frustrations get the better of him.

Gasol has declared his loyalty and desire to stay with the Lakers on numerous occasions, could you imagine what it would do to his spirits if the team he loves openly states they want him out?  I know what many are thinking — the Lakers already declared their desire to oust him during the CP3-Trade-That-Wasn’t, but I think, for the most part, Gasol has been able to move past that.

At the same time, I feel bad for Gasol.  Yeah, it’s pretty hard to feel bad for somebody making upwards of $18 million per year, but it must really suck not knowing where you’re going to be by the end of the season.  His loyalty to the Lakers, and the fact that he brought two championships to the team, makes me question if the Lakers should let him know (NOT THE PUBLIC) exactly where he stands with the organization.  The NBA is a business, and players are essentially tradeable assets (unless you’re KB24 or Joe Johnson with a no-trade clause), but something about leaving a player like Gasol in limbo just doesn’t sit well with me.

Girls, pardon the interruption.